Ask the Family Doctor: Taming the Bed-Wetters

column, drivel, Medicins sans frontal-lobes

with Ferenc Molmar, MD

Q. My youngest child, now 13, still wets his bed and I would like to cure him before he goes off to boarding school. I remember many years ago when you used to appear on the old Today Show with Jack Lescoulie and you demonstrated a sort of harness that could be used to cure bed-wetting, by strapping the children in at night. Do they still make this, or do you still use this?

A. To be honest, I have no idea what you are talking about. After the passage of many decades, even the great Jack Lescoulie is but a dim memory. As for the harness contraption you mention, I recall a restraining device that was popular at the time, for the prevention of self-abuse. It pinned the child’s arms to his sides so wayward young hands would not inadvertently find their way to the genital area. I cannot imagine this would be of much use in curing enuresis—the official name for bed-wetting—although if you can find one it might be worth a try.  Bed-wetting and self-abuse are a deadly combination in a young person and should be eliminated as early as possible, as they often lead to sex perversion.

Incidentally I don’t remember demonstrating such a device on the Today Show. You may be thinking of Cleveland Amory.

Q. My wife and I have long debated the pros and cons of getting our children vaccinated. As you know, vaccination of newborns is a leading cause of autism. However, I have also read on one of the online doctor websites that children who are vaccinated as infants are much less likely to wet the bed. So there seems to be a trade-off here, between having an autistic child or one who wets the bed. Do you have any opinions on the matter?

A. You really should not read those “online doctor websites” as they are compost heaps of misinformation. They are the number-one cause of hypochondria and medical conspiracy theories. This anti-vaccination kookery, for example. I don’t know where that started, but as the old saying goes, a conspiracy theory can go around the world before an honest physician has time to put his galoshes on. Even if vaccination did cause autism, I don’t see that as such a big deal. So what if 1 out of 20 or even 1 out of ten children become autistic? I’d rather have an autistic child than a homosexual.



Author: Cooper Ward

Cooper Ward hails from Lake Plains, IL, which he describes as “the flattest place east of Nebraska.” He enjoys watching cooking shows and listening to semi-classical music.