Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /webroot/g/a/galle004/primary/www/americanbystander/wp-includes/functions.php on line 341
present tension » Blog Archive » How Many Chillun You Got?

How Many Chillun You Got?


Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /webroot/g/a/galle004/primary/www/americanbystander/wp-includes/functions-formatting.php on line 76

That’s the important thing. That’s what all primitive people really want to know about you.

savage with one chillunThey get to the point where they’ve figured out that you’re either male or female (even though they they can’t see either a penis gourd or pendulous dugs), and they know your approximate age (somewhere between adolescence and total decrepitude). Now they’re happily puffing away on your Philip Morris Commanders (king-size, unfiltered, good for jungle bugs) and they’re ready to move into the small-talk stage of your acquaintanceship.

And here it is. “Hey you! You got chillun? How many chillun?”

Go ahead and tell them. Anything you like. One kid, six kids, sixteen kids. It’s not like the little savages are going to write down your children’s birthdays so they can send them something nice (just imagine!). No, they’re just being innocently nosy. It’s something they ask of all strangers, and no one’s ever smacked them down for this rudeness so they keep on asking.

Sometimes the questions get detailed—"You have a boy? How old? Is he warrior? You have girl—how much you sell her for?” It is always best to be prepared for this. Along with the Philip Morris Commanders in the left side pocket of your photo-vest, bring a fact sheet about your kids. Maybe even some fuzzy snapshots.

My own prepared script goes basically like this. “Oh yes I have four children. Two girls, two boys. Between five and fifteen. Evenly spaced. Their names are Mary, Joan, John, and Robert. They live with their other parent, as I am usually away on business. The boys play baseball [a game formerly very popular in America] and the girls do ballet [this is a kind of theater-dance some people do in my country]. Who is oldest? Oh, that would be John. Then Mary. Then…”

Even a savage has limited attention for this sort of thing, and by this point my new friend is probably waving and nodding and inviting me into his hut to look at the shrunken heads.

One Response to 'How Many Chillun You Got?'


  1. Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /webroot/g/a/galle004/primary/www/americanbystander/wp-includes/kses.php on line 527

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /webroot/g/a/galle004/primary/www/americanbystander/wp-includes/kses.php on line 96
    Sallie
    Says:

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /webroot/g/a/galle004/primary/www/americanbystander/wp-includes/kses.php on line 527

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /webroot/g/a/galle004/primary/www/americanbystander/wp-includes/kses.php on line 96

    Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /webroot/g/a/galle004/primary/www/americanbystander/wp-includes/functions-formatting.php on line 76

    Were Philip Morris Commanders a cigarette? I do not know them.

Leave a Reply

XHTML: <a href="" title="" rel=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>