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present tension » How to lose friends and alienate people

Archive for the 'How to lose friends and alienate people' Category

Fly Me to the Moon

Friday, July 25th, 2008

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Say, I’ve got a swell idea. Let’s move to the moon. If we get enough people to sign on to the idea, I know some builders who’d just jump on it. The land is cheap, for one thing. I mean real cheap! As in FREE. That means it’s even cheaper than those buck-an-acre lots they’re selling in those gutted-out counties in Upstate New York. You hear about buying “summer homes” up there in those depopulated cow counties. Or “retirement homes,” which somehow sounds even more desperate. People keep telling you how lucky they were to get in on the ground floor, and how Jerkwater America is a fantastic place to invest, particularly if you can invest only $54.

There …

Chelsea Piers: Cafe Scene. Afternoon.

Tuesday, June 24th, 2008

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Something seen in the cafe at the Chelsea Piers gym: A guy with scraggly blond hair has his MacBook open, is looking at the IMDB site, where we see a picture of a scraggly-haired personage named Martin Ewen. I can’t resist the temptation to creep around and see if this the same guy. Hmm–could be!

Martin looks very troubled. Some information is misstated or missing in the IMDB listing. He’s now looking at his e-mail. A half-dozen messages from IMDB support. They haven’t updated his listing yet.

Isn’t it bad luck to keep looking yourself up on IMDB? I know it is for Google.

Mister Cokehead, Media Recruiter

Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008

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She was crushed with shame to be working in such a menial position. Actually she was borderline mentally ill and lucky to have a job at all.

‘Tis the Sausage Lady

Saturday, March 26th, 2005

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A vile and mean-streaky harridan whom we used to call the Sausage Lady has published a “memoir” (quotations here suggesting a high degree of self-aggrandizing fictionalization) that tells how she was abused and victimized when she was a fat ugly little whelp. She keeps popping up in my occasional political cartoons, including this throwaway from 2003. Oh, yes—she’s the one with the bag of mail.

Postscript, May 2008. Not long after writing the above, I learned that the Sausage Lady was dead. Yes, even as her Fat Girl made her a bestselling author in her 60s, she was wasting away with many different forms of cancer (including pineapple cancer, which Harold liked best). Well lots of us get cancer from …

A little po’d about blogs and links

Saturday, March 5th, 2005

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I keep eight or ten blogs, mainly for experimental purposes. Their content is often diary entries. This is purely a matter of convenience. It is is easier to crank out a few lines of personal musings than to lay in “Lorem ipset"; moreover the diary leaves a little flag about my mood and activities during the last update.

Diaries, not coincidentally, were the main purpose of weblogs when they first sprang out of the slagheap seven or eight years ago. But many blogs today are really e-zines, created to promote one’s business or hobbies or social interests. Nothing wrong with that, but when you open your diary to the public, it ceases to be useful as a diary. …

Extraordinary Meetings

Saturday, February 12th, 2005

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Coming back from the wine shop and grocery store this evening, I saw a tall, stocking-capped, familiar face emerge from the elevator in my building on 57th Street. “Jay Martel!” I said. He turned around. Slightly befuddled, he recognized me after a half-second. He had his current girlfriend or wife with him. Looked the same as when I last saw him in 1990. He’s been a TV writer since that time. Nickelodeon, then God knows what. Out in LA now. I asked where. “Fairfax and Olympic.”
Oh! I said, near Tim! Tim Hill, nephew of George Roy Hill, is a musician and director (a Muppet movie, something else) who was Jay’s best friend at Stanford. For a while in the …